


When Love isn't Enough

by merlin91



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:20:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5834041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlin91/pseuds/merlin91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam goes to Stanford. John's POV on what happens after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Love isn't Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a ficlet that had been in my mind for a long-time. It is angsty though, so be prepared!

“Sam! Don’t, that tickles…!”  


The rest of Jess’ words are swallowed in her laughter. Sam looks up at her, grinning from where he had been kneeling down, tickling her waist. Jess smoothes her hands down over the sides of his face and rests her hands on his shoulders, and for a moment, Sam is strongly reminded of someone else who used to cup his face and check him thoroughly, worried that he had gotten injured somehow. He swallows, and tilts his face up to receive Jess’ kiss. He is in love and nothing could make this day any better.

  


It is then that his phone rings, and his world falls apart.

 ************

“Dad?”

John turns around, and sees his youngest son standing in front of him after four years. Looking at him brings back so many memories. So many missed moments that they could have had together, if only he had not been so damn proud back then…so much they could have achieved together. All gone now. The world seems greyer even as he dredges up a smile from his long-dead heart to bestow on Sam.

“It is true then?” Sam asks him hauntingly. He seems so small as he asks the question (as if he is no longer a 6 foot tall guy who had the balls to leave their wretched family behind). 

John’s heart aches as he collects the courage to look him in the eye.  
“Yes.” He whispers. 

Sam looks as if his world has ended. The grief that paints his face is so raw that John feels like an intruder. He doesn’t offer any platitudes as he watches Sam sink to his knees beside the Impala, silent tears now running down his face. 

“How-“he rasps out brokenly.

“He sold his soul.”

“What?" Sam asks in shock. "For whom?”

As if there had been anyone else that had existed for Dean apart from his little brother. He had worshipped Sam, would have shielded bullets for him, and would have done anything in his power to protect him. Did end up doing that actually. 

“You, Sam. Do you think your brother would ever do such a thing for someone else?”

Sam is weeping openly now, but John is suddenly angry. He is angry at this broken man at his feet, who left them _(him now, only him, lonely as ever)_ to go pursue his hearts’ desire, never even thinking once of how they must have been surviving without him; who never once called to see if they were okay. John would be hard pressed to admit it, but he knew Sam ran away because of him. But John always thought that Sam would have had atleast some sort of contact with Dean.  


John is angry at himself the most though, because _he_ has failed his eldest son.  


_Dean, his beautiful son Dean, who had done everything John had ever demanded of him, even though it wasn’t his place to do so; Dean who had let his baby brother go and slowly wasted away, (realizing that the person whom he could not live without could do so fine on his own); Dean who would rather have been happy being a mechanic at Bobby’s place fixing up beautiful cars like their Chevy, but due to John had come to steadfastly love the hunting job; Dean who didn’t have a disloyal bone in his body and who had begged John to let him know why he took periodic trips to Palo Alto (though secretly, Dean too had made the trips alone); Dean who John had inadvertently killed when he let him know about the YED’s plans for Sam._

_Dean who last accompanied him on his trip to Standford and stood stoically besides John and watched Sam laugh merrily with Jess in his arms, as his friends cheered their engagement; Dean who decided that letting his brother have a long, and happy life was more important than living his own worthless life- who went and struck a deal with a crossroads demon about Sam’s life; who stood unrepentant and even a bit happier as John raged at him for what he had done when he came to tell him about the deal. Dean who had been like a shell since Sam left, who became a bit happier as his deal came to an end; who had taken a promise from John not to let Sam know about his death. But John had failed his first-born even then._

  
John’s heart cracks further in his chest as he kneels next to a sobbing Sam and holds out his hand.

 **************

Through his tears Sam looked at John, and saw his stretched hand. His throat clenched tight as he looked at what John was holding in his hand. It was his amulet. _His_. The one that he had given to Dean.  


Sam reached out a wavering hand and plucked the amulet. He fisted it tightly, and felt it digging in his palm. The pain wasn’t enough.  


Nothing would ever be enough.


End file.
